All is Well 3/01/09

Welcome to Oscar’s Tavern!

How are you!  Sorry we haven’t been blogging much. Been real busy. Life gets that way doesn’t it.

Charlene is off today.  Our specials today are Turkey breast, stuffing and mashed potatoes with gravy. A nice combination Belinda is preparing for us today. “Comfort Foods” she says.    Lets wash it down with Yellow tail wines.


 It’s snowing here in the NorthEast. It was 55 degrees the day before. We now have about 6″ of snow.  Always extremes here.  Another day where the floor here gets all sloppy.  I dance around with the mop (too big swiffer, we had to call mop back) to sop up the wet snowy glop. That sounds like a tongue twister, say it 3 times fast.

sop up the wet snowy glop, sop up the wet snowy glop, sop up the wet snowy glop….  Follow the yellow brick road….

Well it’s March.  It’s closer to spring.  Looking forward to that. I know a lot of people who are depressed with this gloomy winter weather. We need the sun!  But then there’s those who live south.  It looks more attractive every day.   I spoke to my daughter in Florida yesterday during the snow storm. “Yeah its a nice day, we’re taking the kids to the beach”.     Grrrrrr! 

Willy was complaining yesterday about making what he calls “Girly Drinks”. He’s a scotch and beer guy. “what will these kids come up with next?  a Pizza-tini?”   Well not to let a good gag pass we took a slice of the bar pie and rolled it into a martini glass.  Dumped in some vodka, and Bloody Mary mix. Shook it and placed an olive in it. I put it on the bar and said to Willy, “Hey do me a favor” bring this to the lady over there. A friend of mine was over on the other side. We made a deal.  Vinnie put a bucket on the floor near her.  Willy brings the drink over to her, staring at it as he strolled over. As he approached her, she said ” Oooh! Thanks sir!  I Love pizza-tini’s”  Willy turned to look at me, I smiled.  Charlene called Willy to look at something. While he was turned she poured some into the bucket. This happened a few times.  We almost had Willy goofed until another customer sat next to her and kicked the bucket over.  We all laughed like hell.  He has threatened to get us back ~ Remember in the movie “The Jerk” the “Cup o’ Pizza?”

20 ways to order a pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

4. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”

5. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you’re going with the lowest bidder.

6. Give them your address, exclaim, “Oh, just surprise me!” and hang up.

7. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

9. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica’s Master of Puppets CD.

10. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

11. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say “crazy bread.”

12. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino’s, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

13. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

14. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

15. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

16. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

17. Tell the order taker you’re depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

18. Change your accent every three seconds.

19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

20. Start your order with “I’d like. . .”. A little later, slap yourself and say, “No, I don’t.”

Willy says don’t try that “$#it” here….

Ok, well let me take out MOP before he drops his towel.

Have a great day – saty comfortable.  Smile.  Have a drink, take a pee…whatever.


Hey – ya know what?


~ by Oscar on March 2, 2009.

7 Responses to “All is Well 3/01/09”

  1. I want just a touch of the snow you are getting!

  2. What’s wrong with girly drinks, Willy? I’m a girl. I like girly drinks! I like light beer and mixed drinks that are sweet and go down easy. (Shut up, Willy!) A pizza-tini, though, Oscar? Blech!

  3. My Girlie Drink: A Rocky Mountain M’Fer – mmmmmm… good. I’ll have the turkey special for lunch please.

  4. I agree, girly drinks are for when your on vacation in the tropics and need an umbrella in the drink. Other than than it should be either beer, wine or something straight up…

  5. A Rocky Moutain M’fer is Amaretto, So-Co, and Lime Juice….it’s sooooo good.

  6. Mike: Try the Rocky Mountain M’Fer…it’ll change your mind.

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