Hey Bevis…

bottomsup

Welcome My Friends!  Welcome to Oscar’s Tavern!

Home of fine grub and swill! A a jolly lot o’ fine folks here to serve you and take your mind off your troubles.

Our beautiful, lovely and talented Charlene has prepared some tasty Pork roll with cheese sandwiches for you today!  Let’s wash them babies down with a tall cool one. Maybe a Budweiser, the King of Beers!   She’ll cook one up for ya nice and fresh, not too greasy.  Just right. Right Charlene!  Thaaats right! 

 

What can I get you?

Well for those of you who are familiar with the old Commerce Bank (no not the one Mr. Drysdale held the Clampetts money in) The bank that blossomed many branches in New Jersey and New York, with the open 7 days a week concept.  Anyway, they were bought out by TD Bank. (Toronto Dominion) Bank. You may have seen commercials for TD Ameritrade, same group.  Anyway they changed all the branch logos, and red color schemes to the green one you see here.

0120091803

 

 

 

 

Now I just can’t help laughing everytime I pass and read the name fast.

 

 

 

beefrub

 

 

 

 Or giggling at stuff like this

 

 

huh huh, huh huh, he said beef rub..huh huh

 

 

 

 

 

My moments of immaturity.  LOL  Hey Terri did it.

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING


SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Shouts to Courtney – She was in the tavern again yesterday!

Have a great day!

Ciao!

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~ by Oscar on January 30, 2009.

4 Responses to “Hey Bevis…”

  1. Huh huh. Huh huh huh! You said beef rub! He he!

    I have experienced the distorted singing symptom and I’m here to testify that more beer is definitely the cure.

  2. THanks for thp post. I didn’t understand a word but that’s not uncommon. I like the “tavern blog” approach. I have a “convenience store” blog. Have I bored you to tears yet?

    Anyway, 10% off napkins for you in appreciation of the post

  3. Thanks for the morning laugh.

  4. That was great…..I so needed to know what to do when my shirt is wet and my mouth is dry !!!!!

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